Bad Days and Wonderful Husbands

So last night I had a bad day. I have been reading alot about IVF and have joined a on line support group called cafemom. Its a really a good thing, but i read about all the couples that did their IVF like right away. I was feeling sorry for myself for having to wait so long.
I want a baby so bad all i can think about all day is when am I going to be a mommy and give my wonderful husband the baby he deserves?

So anyway i read this book last night called Pregnancy wishes and IVF dreams, this got me thinking. This lady had a different problem then me. She had a problem on the males side. it wasn't anything he could do about it he was born with a issue of his sperm tube (i don't know what you call it) connecting to where it could be released.

So anyway the only way for him to be able to fertilize an egg is to have it injected into the egg. The only way for that to happen is IVF. So anyway they did IVF and it worked in the first time, with twins too. this gives me high hopes that it will work for me the first time too. if not i will have to wait another year before we will be able to try again, this depresses me because i will have to again wait a long time. Im so stressed that it will not work or worse yet that i will get pregnant and lost the baby for some reason or another. God please don't let that happen. I don't think i will be able to mentally handle that.

I called the Doctors today to find out more on pricing so i know what and when things will come up. it looks like this.
Medication 2500-3000
Mock Transfer 155.00
Dopler ultrasound 368.00
Sperm function test 105.00
Class 1 30.00
Class 2 55.000
Apt to hear the risks of IVF 168.00
To freeze any good unused eggs 850.00 plus 315.00 a year storage.
Then I have to pay a deposit of 7175.00
total 12,221.00

And that doesn't cover actually having a baby or any appts after I'm actually pregnant. As you can guess im pretty stressed out about the whole thing.

So anyway i thought the agreement that Bill and I had about this was we where gonna wait until June. which is almost a year out. this also freaked me out because i know this is a very time sensitive thing here. the older i get the harder its going to be. all the books and websites say this.
and as we all know if its on the Internet it must be true right? lol

I thank god all the time that I have a husband that know how to calm me down. He came home and could tell right away that i was not having a good day. he said what have you been reading? i showed him and he said that he thinks i like to torture myself. I told him that alot of the times reading all this IVF stuff gives me hope. but some day like that day make me sad.

so he cuddled me up and said whats the problem? I told him that I didn't want to wait but i know we have to and that it was tearing me up. He reminded me of all the reasons why we are waiting. All good ones because as you can see from the list above its alot of money. He reminded me that no matter how much we save up we are trying by my birthday next year. I told him that is soooooo long away. almost a year since my birthday is in the end of June and its the begging of Aug.

I also told him and my stresses. So here is what we agreed on. We will try by march so that i will be pregnant by my birthday next year. I will work and every penny that i make will go to IVF. The hope is that i have collected 7000.00 or more. but he assured me that we will try then even if i only have 3000 or what ever, and we are going to finance the rest. I told him i was also worrying about that because we don't have good credit anymore. what if we cant get it financed.
he said that we would have to cross that bridge when we came to it.

I can see the light now. 8 months away to start my treatment. 8 is alot but its alot better then 12 :)

I'm going to keep reading the information and book i have. I told him i will probably still have some bad days but that right then he made me feel like we are moving on this and that i can make it.
I will work and take what ever i can get to start saving for our baby. I got a job today matter a fact. its only a temp job but hay its 1000.00 or what ever for our baby fund :)
I will also focus on working out and losing more weight as i know this will also help me and the IVF treatments. 8 months lets see how much i can lose.....