Frustrated

Wow I haven't written in here in a while. Things that have been going on.

Brandon has had his first Birthday. We had it at a pool, He loves to swim and I wanted to find a place were all ages could have a good time with him. Since most of the family children are alot older then him. We had a great time. Except when I had the candle lite and instead of helping me blow it out Brandon Decided to grab it and burnt his little hand. Not bad thank god but it scared the crap out of me.

Then in May we all Went to Kona Hawaii. That was so fun. I knew we would have fun but I didnt know I would love it so much there. Kona is not as huge a tourist place as some of the other islands so it was not as crowded as it could of been. We rented a house with some friends and it was backed right to the ocean. We had a great time.

Brandon is not a fan of the waves. They scare him when they come crashing, and even the sound scared him after a while as he figured out what it ment. He did how ever love to play in the sand. Only put it in his mouth once lol. All in all we had a great time and will probably go back when he is older.

In June Bill and I started Medifast. This is a diet kinda like nutrasystem but much better. You have Bar's and shakes for 5 meals and 1 lean and green meal a day. A friend of ours started it and lost 50 lbs in like 2 months. So we have high hopes for this diet.

Bill and I talked about goals we wanted to set for our selves. He wanted to do a short term one of 50 lbs by pax's. That is in the end of Aug. I told him that I wanted to try for another Baby. We still have those 2 frozen babies at the clinic.

So we agreed that if I can get myself down to 200 lbs then we can try for #2. At the time this seems like the perfect deal. I was so excited at the Rate our friend was going I could be there in like 3-4 months.

I started out weighing 312. I didnt have as hard of a time as Bill did probably because of my lap band. which I also had tightened. This didnt seem to be any different feeling. The first order came and most of the food was not that good. but you can change things each order and I think I finally have it down to where I like most of the food. So its been alittle over 2 months and I was expecting to have lost about half my goal by now.

But that is the problem when you try and expect your loss on some one else's progress. We kept stricter to the diet then our friend but were losing less when he did. I dont know what he did different then us but we are not losing as quickly.

I know what you are thinking as you read this. Its not healthy to lose a lot so fast. Well Im sorry but I say F you all for thinking that. I want it gone fast. I want to try for my next little blessing. I am getting older and I didn't want there to be a big gap between Brandon and his sibling to be.

If it doesn't work at all then that will be it, and Brandon will be an only child. I know that is a possiblity and haven been trying to prepare myself for that reality, but who am I kidding if it doesnt work I will probably be sad. But I know I will be ok as I have to be strong for Brandon and Bill.

If you know me though you know I am not patient in the least. I hate waiting for anything. It doesnt matter what its for. And this being such a big thing its driving me nuts. And know its even worse.

Every one around me is trying for their 2nd or getting pregnant. First my Dr who is the one that helped me know it was ok to try again with fertility Dr's was able to get pregnant with out the help or the Dr this time around. I am truly happy for her, I am but I cant help wishing that I was in her shoes too. Then I find out my Cousin is expecting another. This will make 4 for him. And that My other cousin is expecting her 3rd living Child. She is 18 weeks and never said anything until now. I can under stand that though as she can have a hard time keeping her pregnancy going.

Im happy for all if them but as a selfish person all i can think of is me and what I want. I know im bad and have nothing to complain about. I have the most wonderful life. I have a husband who I love and adore more then I thought could even be possible. He treats me so good, and He is always working so hard to make sure we have everything we want.

I have a the best son any mom could ever have. He is the cutest and most charming boy in the world. He loves me so much. It feels so good when he runs to me anything he is scared or worried about anything. He at this moment chooses me over daddy. Although I some times feel bad for daddy I know that later in life this will probably change and it feels great to me so loved.

I would love to give our family a sister though. And I know I will get to my goal weight which will get me to the possible baby I want so bad. Im just frustrated with the weight loss rate and that ever one around me is able to just have another baby. Its not their fault that they can just get pregnant and that I feel this way but please understand I can not turn off my feelings either.

I have lost 40lbs in the last 2 months so at this rate I have about 4 more months to go before I hit it and then there is the money. We are saving up for a house so by then we should have a home hopefully but that also mean that we probably wont have the 3 grand that it takes to do a frozen transfer. But it will happen when it does. or so I keep telling myself. So until then I will just keep doing what Im doing with the medifast, and try not to get sad and depressed when I hear about my family and friends who are expecting. and hardest of all try and be happy for them, because after all this is a happy thing they are going through and I would want them to be happy for me. Please understand its just hard for me. But I love you all and I really am truly happy for you and your babies. I just want the same for me.

WOW its been a LONG time

Well I dont think any one out there reads this so I dont feel to bad, but here is an update anyway.

IVF worked for us. We did IVF back in aug 2009. We had our Son Brandon Thomas Richard Hayden on April 23 2010.

He is now about 9 months old and is amazing. He can say a few words, mostly da da. he can crawl and walk along the couch and walls. he can even stand unassisted for a few seconds. I dont know how big he is right now since his 9 month appointment isnt for another few weeks but last time we did get his measurements he was in the 90th percentile.

He is a good baby and doesn't often go all emo. lol We are having issues right now with getting him to go to sleep at night and for nap times. He use to go to sleep just fine. We would hold him until he had been asleep for about 30 mins and then be able to put him in his crib and he would sleep there all night.

Then we went on vacation for 3 weeks and he had to sleep with us as there was no crib for him to sleep in. I guess he got to use to that. every time we would try and put him down he would wake the instant his head would hit the mattress.

So now we have started the bed time ritual and he gets a bottle at 8pm then I read to him and we put him down in his crib and he cries it out. I remember when he was alot younger and I said to my self im never got to have to do that cry it out thing. Yeah well that was just one of the thing i started out saying we wont have to do and we now do.

Im already starting to try and figure out what we are going to do for his first bday party. Its only a few months away. It just bogles my mind that my little baby is almost a year old now.

Well he is getting restless so I better go. Sorry I dont have time to go back and edit this to I hope it makes since.

Tickets

Hello out there in Blogger land.
I have an update on whats going on. We had our doctors appointment on May 1st. They did our blood draw for the things they could test for. I will get the rest done when I'm on cycle date 3. When I will go back and get more blood drawn. I have an appointment on May 11th to get a Pap done too just so everything is covered.

I also got the dates for travel confirmed. We will be leaving on September 2nd to arrive in the Czech on September 3rd. We will be there until September 18th and back here in Portland on the 19th. I got the tickets on Friday. We got a decent price. It was a little under $3000.00 for both our tickets.

I also picked out where we are going to be staying. Its our very own apartment while we are there. It was alittle bit more then I was thinking it would be. I thought it was going to be $1000.00 for the 15 days but its more like $1300.00. I will pay what ever though.

On a side note I have some other good news. My husband finally got his offer to go to full time employee as a assistant vice president at his work. They offered him a good raise and some out standing health care benefits. So if this doesn't work that's ok because we will have $10,000.00 in fertility coveridge. So if we are not pregnant in october we will try again in november for another live cycle.

I still believe that its going to work the first time though. But it will be there for the next baby. If I only get prgnant with one I want to do this again with in a year of baby 1 being born. I dont know if my husband will agree but I do want them close together so they are closer. Im 15 months from my sister and we are very close. Bill is 5 years from his brother and they are not very close. So I feel that is important.

Anyway that is all that is going on right now. I will update with my test results when I get them but until then I probably wont have any other updates as I will be going in to the dred waiting mode. lol

Today was a good day

Today was an exciting day. I dropped off the deposit and faxed in the contract for my IVF. Things are moving now. I'm so excited!!!
More after my doctors appoint, Friday. I'm even excited for that, even though its lots of blood draws, and an uncomfortable pap.

YAY

Youtube

Well I decided to start vloging a Vlog on youtube. You can find me under user name Amyh9835. I still have a while until my IVF but I plan on making updates here and there along the way. Every one has diffrent experiances. even if they are the same in essence i find my self loving reading others blogs and see their videos so I had to give back with what I can.

So far I havent heard of anyone having the same kind of tuble problem I have so who knows maybe some one that does will find that and it will help them. Hopefully I will have a BFP the first time and give that person great hope as I have that I will.

So not much is going on since I posted last time. My husbnd has been promoted at work and they are going to bring him on as a employee instead of the contractor he was. this could be really good because he will be working for Bank of America and I hear they have very good health insurnce. We dont know yet as they are still waiting on approval from some other Department and have to agree on salary.

I wanted to wait until we found out if IVF is covered through them but I dont want to wait too long and he said it could be like a month before he knows. First off any one who knows me knows I am NOT patient. lol I want my baby and I have already waited soooo soooo long.

But we are moving forward as we can until then. We have an appointment to get the test done for the clinic in the CR on friday May 1st. I had some of these done already but they have to have new ones since last time they where done was about a year ago. I'll let you know what the results are.

I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend! check back soon :)

SEPTEMBER!!

September is the month!!! Yes I said September. We have both agreed to go to this program that offers IVF in the Czech Republic. It is a good and licensed clinic. It's about half the cost of IVF here. This means if it does not work we will be able to try again that much sooner. Of course we hope we wont need to plan that.

I am very excited about this. I have a feeling this will work, this will bring me the child(ren) we have been longing for. Bill wants a vacation and I want a baby. It's perfect. Here is the website of you want to check it out. http://www.myivfalternative.com/ivf-program

I'm not sure the date we will be going but I should have all the money by June so plenty of time before we need it. Bill and I have an appointment Fri May 1st to have the many tests we need ordered. This will start out journey for real. I can barley believe its happening finally.

Things are really doing well for us. Bill got promoted at work last month although he has yet to find out how much of a raise he will get. I am not working anymore. Got laid off, Ok fired lol oh well I'll always have unemployment lol. ok not always but for a while anyway.

other wise not much going on right now. Ill try and keep this thing more up to date now that things are moving. still moving slowly but they are moving. I will also start making vlogs when things start happening. Have a good day people out there.

Still hanging in there

Hi every one, lol Ok I know no one reads this but it's nice to pretend.
So anyway nothing has really changed since I last wrote, but i figured its been over a month I better check in so I can remind my self that we are moving forward. Only 119 days until we start IVF. I know that is a very long time but when I first started writing it was over 8 months away.

I have been filling my time with reading Cafemom.com posts and reading other people blogs relating to IVF. They give me so much inspiration to know that this process even though its hard as hell to go through, both physically and mentally it works.

I know in my heart that its going to work. I can feel it i just have to get through the next 119 days. Talk about a 2WW lol.

In the mean time I have starting to really work on crafting. I enrolled to sell Stampin up stuff. Not so much to sell it but so I could get a discount buying the stuff myself. I have already spend over 200.00 buying stuff. I have these wonderful little stamps I will be able to use for the baby shower when that finally comes. I will also make all the Christmas cards this year. I'm excited about that.

Some thing that im excited about coming up is the Largest Christmas Bazaar here in Portland that will start the weekend of Thanksgiving. I love that place and usually buy half my Christmas presents for people there. They also have a lady there that sells the best embossing powers there. I stock up every year.

On the baby mission: We have paid off one of the 2 credit cards I talked about in other posts, so just one more left. I have it figured out that it should be gone the 1st or 2nd week in December. So as you can see things although slowly are moving.

Working out you ask well I'm still doing it. I had a set back but we are back on track and doing well. I'll Write more some time soon. I hope every one (if there is any one out there) is doing great and I wish any and every one trying to get their BFP gets them.